I am Decinta

I am Decinta

Marriage – The First Year

“So, how’s married life?”

The question we heard every other month of our first year of marriage.

The truth is, our first year of marriage was tough. Very tough.

When it comes to your first year of marriage, what you don’t know can sometime really hurt you. If you don’t deal with an issue before marriage, you deal with it while you’re married and that’s sometimes can be the hardest part. One this blog Marcus and I will share with you guys somethings we went through dealing our first year of marriage. Make sure you check out  Our Love Story on how we met & our wedding day details. I am super excited to share with you guys. Woot Wooot.

Trust in the LORD with all thin heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

What did you learn from your first year of marriage? 

Decinta Response:

I’ve learned a lot about myself through my first year of marriage. Together, we have slowly evolved into the person(s) we are as of today through the trials and challenges from our first year of marriage. The most important things I’ve learned are these:

Trust God’s timing, process, and his ability to heal all situations. Stay the course of your marriage. The first few months of my marriage, I was sick to the point were there were days I couldn’t even get out of bed. I was thinking “Why, now Lord? I just got married … ” I am supposed to be in one of the happiest seasons of my life”. God had other plans, testing our marriage at a very early stage. Marcus, my husband prayed for me, took care of me, and most of all he encouraged me to trust God & get into the WORD. We made it through by the grace of God.

I also learned the importance of staying equally yoked with Marcus. You are going to need God at times when no one has any answers but him. For me, it was about building my own relationship with God. Spending time with God become very important to me as I knew our marriage wouldn’t stand a chance without having God in our lives. I had to dedicate my time with God. So yes, I had to give up conversing with friends, putting my social life on hold, and just focus on developing a relationship with God. It’s very important for us to make sure God is the center of our life not your friends, family or spouse.

Marcus Response:

I have learned to value my wife’s voice and the difference between a Husband and a Provider. I became a Husband on June 24, 2017, but I became a Provider on January 1, 2018 when all our household became my sole responsibility, after my wife left her job. You’ll learn more about that transition in her next blog post. It was the most challenging experience of my life because I had to stop being selfish, stop thinking about myself first, and start thinking about my wife first. Before getting married, I always thought about “partnership”, both people contributing financially to reach a goal. The first year of marriage taught me that my wife can add value to our life that is worth more than money. The peace I have when I walk into the house, having everything organized, planning our future, and giving me Godly wisdom.

Marriage is a Marathon and I thank God for my wife. Our first year was the foundation for even greater.

What did you expect from your first year of marriage? 

Decinta Response:

I went into my marriage not thinking anything would change in our relationship. I thought our first year marriage would be smooth sailing. Let me get real I thought we would be traveling a lot together, have like BOMB.com love making sessions, and stay our  honeymoon stage forever.  However, it was one of the biggest adjustment of my life in that caught me off guard at first. The thing with expectations is that we usually don’t even realize we have them until they are not met. Every woman wants to be the best at whatever she does in for me becoming a wife was a role I was willing to go over & beyond for I set HIGH expectations for myself. Now granted I’ve never shared them with Marcus because I just figured we had the same expectations. I was over here trying to be the “perfect wife” when he didn’t even expect half of what was on my checklist. Lesson Learned …. You have to communicate these things with your spouse to ensure you both stay on the same page. 

Marcus Response:

In our first year of marriage, I expected to have very few challenges. I thought we would be able to relax, have fun, and enjoy each other but that wasn’t the case. After our honeymoon, my wife got sick.

We spent several months at the doctors office trying to help her get better. We were also trying to relocate out of state at the time. At times it did feel like we were on a roller coaster … BUT GOD 

What was the hardest thing about your  first year of marriage?

Decinta Response:

The hardest thing about our first year of marriage has been the ever-evolving topic of finances.  When you have two HIGHLY – independent personalities joined together, the struggle is REALLLLL. Compromise becomes not only essential, but needed. To help make it easier we’ve created some spreadsheets, finished Dave Ramsey Peace University and utilize other budget systems to better plan for our financial future as a couple. Since we combined our income, assets, etc., we’ve been able to pay off over $15,000 in debt. TEAMWORK MAKES THE DREAM WORK. During this first year, we worked to create and nurture a healthy balance 

between independence and togetherness– not always an easy task but we DID IT.

Marcus Response:

Getting on the same page financially has been the hardest part and we are still working on it. I’ve been a spender while my wife is a saver I’ve been a giver, while my wife is very frugal. I had to allow God to change the way I think about money, credit, and wealth. I went through Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace Program, each day I listen to Dave’s Podcast on Spotify.

God has renewed my mind, we are now on the road to becoming debt free, we are tithing on every dollar we earn and God is blessing us.

What would you tell other couples about marriage?

Decinta Response:

Get you a GOOOOOD therapist … ha-ha no really we still do therapy and it has helped us tremendously through our relationship.

Marriage is very rewarding it’s one of the best decisions I’ve made thus far… I would say its very important for you to focus on YOU not in a selfish way, not in a way that disregards your partner, but in a way where you understand taking care of yourself is going to help you be your best self in your marriage. Self care is very important don’t get wrapped up into becoming the “perfect wife”. Make sure you express your love for your partner everyday. Also, stay prayed up, communicate about everything & stay equally yoked to your partner every season. Make sure God is the center of YOUR life not only your spouse. Pray for him every second you get it’s really important to feel like you’re in a good place, and that is definitely shown through the little acts of love. Like “INTIMACY” a lot of it … lol  Lastly, your marriage is just YOUR marriage. What God has for you is for YOU don’t try to live through other people marriage.

We learned that supporting individual passions means the world — like being debt free and starting businesses….We also agreed to prioritize time with friends, investing in a christian base tribe who would help encourage a healthy marriage. Also, get you some friends that’ve been married for over 20 plus years. It’s a game CHANGER. 

Marcus Response:

I would tell couples that marriage is the best decision you will ever make. Yes, it’s hard but it’s even harder to live your life outside of God’s will, surviving only by His Grace. Marriage is God’s will.

  1. Read the Bible and pray together
  2. Be friends first
  3. Talk about money and finances each day
  4. Commit to intimacy
  5. Keep your marriage in your house

Hey there, I’m Decenta (yep that’s really my name lol). I’m a Charlotte based Creator, Mom, and Wife. I launched my blog back in 2023, and over the years, I’ve used my platform to share moments related to motherhood, personal style, beauty, food, and marriage.

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